Honesty and forgiveness…neither of us have held up our end of the deal
I must confess, I don't understand anything, at all, anymore. Everything from my past that I said I would never let happen again, I'm letting happen =/ I can't help it. I just know all the hurt I've ever been through has a purpose, and one day I'll be happy with where I am in life, when it comes to my relationships. I know that he is worth it, and I just have to hope for the best...Love is hard, and after all this time I still have no comprehension of it...
"A change in breathing,
a time to reflect,
ashes and regrets"
a time to reflect,
ashes and regrets"
I just wish I felt more comfortable in my own skin...That I was good enough for someone...
I want to be pretty
I want to be skinny
I want to be smart
I want to be better....Than I am...
I want to be perfect...for you...
I want to be everything I'm not...because what I am now, Isn't good enough for anyone...especially me....
I want to be skinny
I want to be smart
I want to be better....Than I am...
I want to be perfect...for you...
I want to be everything I'm not...because what I am now, Isn't good enough for anyone...especially me....
Also I am at a fork in the road. I don't know what I want to do with my life...
Air Force?
Cook?
Business?
Musician?
Teacher?
I want to make a difference...
I was born for greater things....College isn't for me...
posted by Mel @ 12:39 AM
3 Comments:
Hey Melissa,
I'm not sure if you want me reading this. If you don't, just let me know.
I'd like to impart a little bit of wisdom that I've found during my time on this earth. People will come and go in your life, it’s sad but true. The important thing is to not place all the blame on yourself. All relationships are a two-way street and require effort from both people. If you find yourself on a one-way street and you’re doing all the work, it’s time to move on and change lanes!
Love can be hard but when you find the right person, it becomes easy (for the most part). I’m not saying that everything will be hugs and puppies all the time but it will be most of the time. When you love and respect someone and they love and respect you back, it’s wonderful and you’ll do everything in your power to protect that person’s heart. I’m not sure what mistakes you’ve been repeating in your relationships but at least you see them and that’s the first step to changing. The next time you see yourself going down that road, take a moment to stop and think. Ask yourself if you really want to do that again. You have all the power you need to change your behavior as long as you realize what changes need to be made.
Self esteem is a hard thing to build but it’s worth the effort. You have to make yourself believe that you are the best and that you deserve the best. It sounds conceded but it really isn’t. I learned a long time ago that if you don’t think you’re great, then no one else will either. Try this, smile. Even if you don’t feel like it, smile at everyone you meet, look them in the eye and be interested in what they are saying. The next time you see them, they will be happy to see you! People are attracted to happy people and people that make them feel good. I also find that if I force myself to smile even if I’m sad, I start feeling better. Try it for a week and see if you notice a change in yourself and how other people treat you.
REMEMBER: You ARE pretty. You ARE skinny. You ARE smart. You just have to believe it! One thing you should never try to be is perfect for someone else. You need to do things for you and to make you happy. When you love yourself, you’ll find a guy that will love you just the way you are.
As far as what to do with the rest of your life, I got nothing but some more advice. Take a semester to take classes that interest you, not ones that are required. Take a drawing or painting class. You seemed pretty interested in politics, take something along those lines. How about intro to Anthropology, Criminal Justice, Special Education (this class made me realize that teaching wasn’t for me), Marine Biology, or Theatre? Read your course book and highlight anything that jumps out at you. The important thing is to stay in school. Find something that you can do for the rest of your life without hating it (check out this related website: http://www.trueofficeconfessions.com/). It would be nice if it paid big bucks too!
There are all sorts of ways to make a difference but the best thing you can do is be happy with who you are and what you do!!
Take Care-
Kristi
PS - I had a REALLY bad breakup during college and something that really helped was seeing the campus councilor. I wasn’t on the verge of doing anything stupid but I was overwhelmed and stressed out. You may want to check it out. I looked up your school’s counseling info for you:
Phone: (850) 474-2420
E-mail: counsctr@uwf.edu
Pensacola Office
11000 University Parkway
Building 19, West Entrance
Pensacola, FL 32514
Hours: Monday-Friday; 8:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.
Yikes!! That was long!!! Sorry!
i love you pookie. check my blog. maybe it'll help.
i think we all feel your pain.
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